Clinton Pickens: Archive

WholeFoods parking lot (National & Barrington) 10...

Clipboard lady: Hi sir!
Shopper: Hey.
Clipboard lady: Do you support Planned Parenthood?
Shopper: No.
Clipboard lady: Please take back your organic foods, you're confused.

Feb 22nd

5 notes

Feb 17th

1 note

Jan 23rd

2 notes

Jan 19th

2,086 notes

The news of the Italian cruise ship that wrecked off the coast of Giglio, is very sad. The stories, or at least the speculation is quite dramatic, and the losses are heart-breaking.

Jan 19th

At BNA (Nashville)

Guy: Is it what you thought it would be?
Guy w/kids: Parenting? No, basically parenting is just calling kids on their sh**.
Guy: That sounds...
Guy w/kids: [to a kid] I SEE THAT! DON'T BE STUPID KYLE.
Guy: hmm.

Jan 18th

@ Golden Apple Comics

Guy 1: I shaved my mustache. Did you notice?
Guy 2: No you didn't.
Guy 1: Well I grew another one.
Guy 2: Oh yeah, you did.

Dec 21st

7 tags

Dec 20th

15 notes

The Jude Law posters for Sherlock Holmes, have to a hipsters wet dream.

Dec 14th

Dec 13th

at the bar, Ted's in Nashville

Guy 1: You think this chili is Spicy?! Weak! I guess I'm used to much spicier food.

Guy 2: I'm sorry that your dead inside.

Nov 28th

At DFW airport

Lady 1: My neighbor told me that the press is lying to us, that the government is keeping the truth about world conflict from the headlines to appease us and keep us from rioting in the streets.

Lady 2: Your neighbor sounds like a dumbass that can't use the Internet.

Nov 26th

4 notes

At LAX security check

Me: I always say I'll bring less crap.
Guy in line: And I always end up behind someone like you.
Me: I get that you saw the movie, but that doesn't make you George Clooney...
TSA guy: oooohhhh BURN son!

Nov 22nd

7 notes

Nov 15th

“This is stupid. You call me a stupid idiot…you’re a stupid idiot.”

– Johnathan Winters [It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad World]

Nov 13th

Nov 9th

Give me one good reason not to put Baby in a...

because BABY’S TOUGH YA HEARDs

Nov 3rd

Nov 1st

“This is position 2, in position, position 3 what’s your position?”

– Garth (Wayne’s World 2)

Nov 1st

Just now in a KFC

5th Grader dressed as a Geisha: Trick-or-Treat
KFC employee: We're not giving out candy
5th Grader's mom: What!? Why not?
KFC employee: Cause this is a restaurant, not a house! Do you want two biscuits?
5th grader's mom: I guess.
KFC employee: that'll be 99 cents.

Nov 1st

Oct 25th

“There’s traffic. Try using a cross-walk jackass.”

– Me (from the safety of my vehicle)

Oct 24th

Oct 20th

5 tags

Oct 18th

100 notes

Oct 16th

dream

dreamed that I was in a tornado i ran towards it, in my mind (in my dream) if i chased the tornado i’d never catch up to it because i never get what i want. how dark is that? i caught it because obviously i didn’t really want to. man i’m dream stupid.

Oct 14th